The Yaya Chronicles

It's inevitable for a Mama's blog to have a post or two about her Yaya encounters. Here's mine.

While I did not constantly have a Yaya/Househelp when I was growing up, I still pretty much experienced a lot of dealing with them, mostly when I was all grown up because of my sisters and their babies and a lot of stories from friends and online communities.

And when Ava finally came, I finally had my very own share of Yaya stories.

The first one who came in was when Ava was just around three months old. Yaya #1 agreed to do the job but she eventually confessed that she was pregnant and she just had to get away so her family won't know. Of course we had to let her go and told her that she needs to let her family know about her situation. Yaya #2 was too young and because of the lack of goal and maturity, she got bored and opted to go back home after two months of stay. Yaya #3, we had to let go after a week because she was totally not fit to take care of a baby. That was also the first time I fired a person. Yaya #4 was a familiar face to us. She was my first niece's previous Yaya and she also became our help at home before Mr. T and I got married. She left because of personal issues and later on we heard news that she eventually had a baby on her own. Conveniently for us, while we were looking, and for the third time, she went back to us and became our Yaya from Ava's fifth month until her eighteenth. She left once again because this time, she needed to take care of her own kid.

The one that followed, Yaya #5 lasted for a little more than two months. She took a weekend off and while she was away, we found out that she's been doing some things that are unacceptable, nothing that involved Ava, thankfully. We understand that it comes with being young and all but I really can't tolerate some things. We told her not to come back anymore.

Teachings from my Daughter

One thing I love the most about motherhood and parenting in general is that I get to learn a lot of things from a pint-sized tot with a cheeky face. :)

Last Tuesday night, Ava felt warm to the touch. But aside from that, she was her usual jolly self - ate dinner with so much enthusiasm and sung and danced like a pro before our sleep routine. When she latched on to me, that's when I knew she has a fever. We checked her temperature and it registered a 38.1°C. Mr. T and I both concluded that her budding molars are causing it. As per our pedia's advice, we gave her a dose of paracetamol and stuck a Koolfever on her forehead. I also applied some teething gel (prescribed by her pedia) to her gums. She started getting fussy and would latch, unlatch, cry and asked to be carried. We were monitoring her temperature every hour, and by midnight her temperature was already 39.1°C. And she was at her crankiest. Mr. T and I were calm and quiet the whole time, we agreed that if her temperature didn't go down on our next checking, we are going straight to the ER. Thankfully, it went back down to 38°C. But she was still fussy and would wake up every hour or two until the morning of Wednesday. It was then when her temperature started going down to 37°C. Late afternoon, she was totally back as if the night before didn't happen.

You wouldn't know that she's still sporting a low-grade fever here. This was the morning after.

I found out later on that Mr. T and I were sharing the same feeling during one moment when Ava was crying (as if in pain) and we couldn't figure out why. As I have said, we were both quiet and calm but the truth was, both of us were really worried, close to panicking thinking it could be something else other than teething. After recalling what happened the previous night, we realized that it wasn't that bad after all. And once again, Ava taught us how to be her parents.

Ava shows us more and more about her character on a daily basis. We are often caught by surprise with how fast she's growing and maturing. Maybe it's today's generation, but we are really seeing how Ava is becoming her own little person everyday - strong and independent yet loving and compassionate.

Our characters as parents are also changing along with her growth. And I just love how Ava continues to teach us to be more patient, understanding and compassionate. She made us see life on a different perspective, through her eyes. Where everything always has a brighter side. Her sense of humor is so contagious making our home filled with laughter all the time. But she also gets frustrated, she also cries and whines thus teaching us to respond more with sensitivity. 

I know this post is going nowhere really but today my heart is just filled with so much joy just thinking about these things and moments that Ava has brought to our lives. :)

More of our BLW Story

I know I have been mentioning how much we love our baby-led weaning (BLW) story with our Ava but I just realized that I haven't completely shared some of the things we did that made our  journey successful. So I thought of making this post with high hopes of inspiring other families to at least consider the baby-led approach in feeding their babies.

Let me first give you a quick introduction about BLW, just in case the term is pretty new to you. Baby-led weaning is an alternative approach in introducing solids to babies at six months, we also call it baby-led feeding here in our country. Compared to the traditional way of solid feeding, BLW does not recommend spoon-feeding, mashing or puréeing food. Instead, it allows babies to pick up their food and eat independently. It also encourages a healthier eating habit, so no boxed or jarred baby food, just wholesome and all natural foods cut into chunks big enough for babies to grasp and gnaw.

Here are the things that will happen in BLW:

• The baby sits with the rest of the family at mealtimes, and joins when she is ready.

• She is encouraged to explore food as soon as she is interested, by picking it up with her hands - it doesn't matter whether or not she manages to eat any at first.

• Food is offered in pieces that are the size and shape that the baby can handle easily, rather than as purées or mashed food.

• She feeds herself from the start, rather than being spoon-fed by someone else.

• It's up to the baby how much she eats, and how quickly she widens the range of food she enjoys.

• The baby continues to have milk feedings (breast milk or formula) whenever she wants then and she decides when she is ready to begin reducing them.

- Excerpt from the BLW book by Gill Rapley.

If you are interested in reading more, the best way to start is read the Baby-Led Weaning: The Essential Guide to Introducing Solid Foods - and Helping Your Baby to Grow Up a Happy and Confident Eater by Gill Rapley and Tracey Murkett. Everything you need to know about BLW is in that book.

I thought of sharing our story based on the commonly asked questions I've read in the BLW group or from the questions that I've received from other mamas. I will also share some ideas and principles that we have practiced that made BLW easier and more fun for our family. :)

How did we learn about BLW?

I learned about BLW in one of the breastfeeding meet-ups we attended when Ava was just three months old. Solid food introduction was asked and I distinctly remember one mama sharing how her son eats fruits and vegetables, cut into chunks, independently. Hearing her story amazed me so much that I decided to do some further researches and discussed the things I've learned with Mr. T. He also liked the whole idea and the principles of BLW so we agreed on trying it with Ava. I also learned about a Facebook local support group for those practicing the baby-led approach in feeding their babies - Baby-Led Weaning Philippines. At that time, it was a group of just less than 500 members, and I was amazed at all the stories, photos and videos of babies eating on their own. Now the group has reached more than 8,000 members and it's so nice to see that a lot of mamas (and papas too!) are practicing the same approach and a whole lot more are interested in trying it with their babies.

Tips: It is very important that you understand the whole concept and principles of BLW. That way you will gain confidence in letting and trusting your baby to eat independently. You can also attend some first-aid classes about Infant and Child Safety seminar in case you are worried about choking. There are also a lot of materials online that you can watch and read as well. If you are worried about the thought of a higher choking risk in BLW compared to the traditional feeding, then you should know that it's quite the contrary. In traditional feeding, when you feed your baby mashed or puréed food, the consistency is not much different from their milk, the food can easily slide (or sometimes forced) at the back of their mouth. It does not allow them to chew first before swallowing. In BLW, babies learn to gnaw/bite, chew and swallow at their own pace. In between six and eight months, the gag reflex in babies are particularly sensitive. This reflex in babies prevents food from moving too far at the back of the mouth when they aren't ready to swallow. That's why it is important that you learn the difference between gagging and choking. Basically, if your baby bites a huge chunk and started making a lot of noise and if her face is turning red, that's gagging. Just allow her to manage the food and wait for her to spit it out. But if she's not making any noise (completely) and starts to turn blue, then your baby is choking. Give first-aid immediately and then call for help.

Ditch the Mama Guilt

I have been working for nearly a decade now. Two companies, almost two years in the first one, and I'm on my 6th year here in my current office with only 2 or 3 months of unemployment in between. In case you're not familiar with what I do, I work as a designer in an architecture and interior design company. In our industry, regardless if we are designing residential houses, offices, commercial spaces, etc., all have something common. It's the flexibility and the long working hours needed to complete a certain project. In my previous job, I have experienced staying in the office for two-three days straight to finish a project presentation. But things are better where I am currently working, our company encourages maximizing our office hours instead of rendering overtime work. But as I have mentioned, our industry goes hand in hand with the need for extended work hours so there are days that I still need to stay a little longer just to get things done.

If you are unattached, single, in a relationship or even married without children, your time is pretty much your own. So working in the office until late at night or until the wee hours of the morning even, is really okay as long as you're able and and willing. But when you become a Mama, a baby enters the picture, then poof! Every second will count. Literally. And when the seconds add up to minutes, hours or even days for some, that's when the guilt starts. The guilt doubles up if you're coming home late not because of work, but because of some leisure time with your husband or with your friends. Trust me. I know how anxiety can get to you in the middle of a movie, or in the middle of a good conversation with your friends. It sneaks from below your spine up to the back of your neck. It will even give you goosebumps some times.

But here I am now, having a hot cup of hibiscus tea and a plate of sticky cinnamon bun while waiting for Mr. T to come off of work. I could have gone home earlier but since it's raining, traffic's bad for sure. I'm not that brave to commute at this time. Instead, I'm going to spend the next hour blogging and reading. Do I feel guilty? No.

Internet, hear me. I'm not guilty. Lol. :P

Ok, sometimes I still do feel guilty but not as much as before. And I know Mr. T has completely different views about this, he already knows that going home an hour or two later than usual is already ok. No need to beat ourselves up for it, just make the most out of it. After reading more about attachment parenting, I have come to realize that spending most (if not all) of my time and energy with and for my daughter brings no balance to my personal and our family life. I have to make time for my husband, myself and other things too. In order for me to do this, I needed to do some changes and I am sharing some of them to you.

Things You Don't Say/Ask to a Breastfeeding Mama

Yes, in case you have missed it, my darling daughter is now 19 months and still breastfeeding. :) It's one of the best choices we have made as first-time parents. We know we are providing the best for our daughter.

I remember when I first watched the movie Grownups, we weren't married yet. It was the scene when the group reunited for the first time at the coach's funeral. They were seating in a gazebo chatting when Kevin James' son walked up to the mom and asked to breastfeed. The group was taken aback, someone asked how old the boy was and Kevin James responded, 48 months, trying to downplay the age. Then the couple went defensive and explained that they're trying to wean him already.

That was a funny scene, or back then I thought it was.

Fast-forward to today, I am now a Mama to my beautiful daughter, and we are breastfeeding. I have learned a lot about the importance of breastfeeding not only during the first 6 months of a baby's life but also extended breastfeeding for a toddler. Anyway you look at it, breast milk is still superior to any other kind of milk being offered in the market.

See, here in our country, it is just recently that breastfeeding is really breaking through. Years before, milk formula companies together with their marketing ploys and ads did a great job at making people think that formula milk is as good as breast milk. Packed with vitamins and nutrients that they have studied that are supposed to be similar to what a child gets from breast milk. Before I got pregnant, I didn't know formula milk was all that bad, we even tried giving Ava formula milk before when I was about to go back to work just in case I don't get to meet her daily milk requirements by pumping. She was around 3 months then, and that was the only thing I regret doing as a parent. I was so misinformed.

Stay-at-Home-Moms vs. Working Moms

It's gonna be a never-ending topic.. Both trying to outdo each other in the field of motherhood. My two cents on this, if you have time, please read on.

First, let me share with you what I think the differences are between SAHMs and working moms.

The Working Moms

I am a working mom, out of the house from 8:00 in the morning and back at 7:00pm or sometimes later. But when I am at home, I am a wife and a mother. I cook our meals, make sure our place is clean, check Ava's things and attend to both my husband's and daughter's needs. On weekends, I make sure that we get to spend quality family time, regardless if we're just at home or out for a leisure. This for me, is what motherhood for a working mom is.

But then there's also a different version of a working mom. She works in the office the whole day, goes home at night. Eat dinner with the family, plays a little with the baby and then calls Yaya to take care of the baby for the rest of the night because she has a million other things to do. Work, internet, tired, whatever. Yes, similar to the ones we sometimes see on TV. Where the babies get more attached to the Yayas? It really happens.

I also know of some work-at-home-moms (WAHM) and they are awesome. :) They do their work from home and they get to take care of their babies first-hand as well.

The Stay-at-Home-Moms

SAHMs should be no different than working moms and they are equally hard-working as well. I also know this first-hand because I'd like to label myself as a SAHM during weekends. :) Here's what I think SAHMs do or should do. They wake up early to attend to their husbands needs before leaving for work. Then they attend to the baby's needs the whole day. And on top of that, house chores and everything in between. The presence of a helper is of course valuable but for me, they should be there just to assist you. I think in choosing to be SAHM, it also means that you are choosing to take charge of your family's well-being and that will only happen if you experience doing these things first-hand.

If you are doing otherwise, then maybe this mom is right somehow. Harsh words, yes but there's truth in some of them.

Screen capture used with permission.

Having help is not a problem at all because we can't do it all right? But if you rely on them in taking care of the baby, house chores, practically everything and you just sit around the house, sleeping, bumming, demanding and whatever, without lifting a finger, then I think that's where the argument will come from.

Working moms sacrifice their time away from their family just so they can help provide their needs. But that doesn't mean they will just put being a mother on the sideline. SAHMs also sacrificed their time and independence (mostly financial) so they can attend to their family's needs more. But that doesn't mean they will just bum around and demand things from their husbands.

We have different families with different needs. The most important thing is your family's well-being. Yes, it's not just about the baby, but it's also about your husband and yourself. Your disposition as a wife, as a mother and as a person. Working or not. open yourself up to learn from other people's experiences, advises and opinions. Because no matter what they say, it's still gonna be your call which of those things you'll take.

At the end of the day, we're all mothers anyway. :)

*A special shout to Ams. She has a wonderful post about how it's like to be a stay-at-home-mom.

18-Month Sleep Regression

About two weeks ago, Ava's sleeping routine went haywire. From sleeping soundly through the night, she went back to refusing sleep and to waking up every two hours just like when she was just a newborn baby. She refuses nap times or only sleeps when carried. We know she's already tired and sleepy but she won't sleep! With a toddler weighing 12kg (or probably more?!), imagine. Lucky for me, Mr. T takes the graveyard carrying shift. But most of the time, she wakes up just to nurse. It's pretty exhausting for both of us when we still need to wake up early the next morning and go to work.

So I looked it up. Thank you Google! Mamas experiencing the same with their toddlers, take a deep breath, what we're all going through is normal. I repeat. IT'S NORMAL.

Babywearing and Breastfeeding in a SaYa

I think I was more emotional now that Ava turned 18 months old compared when she turned one. Lol. I wonder why. Maybe because we are also celebrating some of the milestones she did at 6 months or maybe because it's Mother's Day. Or most likely, one of those times when I can't help but think that my baby's growing up so fast. #nanaysentiments

Breastfeeding while babywearing my 18m.o. darling daughter. 

So one result of my senti moment, I posted a photo of Ava breastfeeding while I wore her in our much loved SaYa carrier. And the beautiful Miss Buding, took notice and asked if I could make a simple video tutorial. I just love sharing and learning to and from other moms so I told her that I'll surely make one. And this is also my Mother's Day gift to my fellow babywearing Mamas. :)

Back to Basics with a Twist

One year of cloth diapering, we have 35 cloth diapers in rotation, plus boosters and extra inserts and other cloth diaper accessories. And oh, we're still expecting a fluffy mail coming in soon. No, that wasn't bragging. If you've been into the whole cloth diapering community, you'll know that that's the average number for an ideal stash.

Let me share our cloth diapering story. :)

We were typical new parents when Ava came along, we had problems with breastfeeding, we were bickering because of exhaustion from the lack of sleep and other typical issues. Getting myself together after the CS operation, taking care of a newborn without a Yaya, going back to work and managing my milk supply were just some of the things we had to overcome. After a couple of months, we eventually got our rhythm as parents and things started getting easier. That's also the time when I found ways how we can go about the whole new world of parenting.

The answer: Fellow parents, especially Mothers, with newborns and toddlers alike from different online communities. One of them was the MCNP Facebook Group.

Before I gave birth to Ava, I've been reading a lot about cloth diapers but the whole thing seemed to be a little too overwhelming with all the do's and don't's so we decided to just skip the whole thing and go for disposables. We were buying a disposable diaper that was 14Php a piece that only lasted for a maximum of 4 hours depending on whether Ava's gonna poop on a new one or not. After a couple of months, we downgraded to a brand that's a little cheaper but still at 10Php a piece. Apparently, the bigger the size the more expensive it becomes. It was about the same time last year, summer time, and the heat was as bad as what we are experiencing right now. And that, is an instant recipe for baby bum rashes. Ava was five months then. Luckily, an Expo Mom was happening that time and we were able to get 3 cloth diapers for trial. A week later, we were exclusively cloth diapering Ava. And as they say, the rest was history. :)

Summer Time is Travel Time

It's summer time and it goes without saying that family trips are also here. For first time parents like us, travelling with a toddler could be a great challenge. Not that we have been travelling, but I've been thinking about it and thought about ways of how we'll manage when the time comes.

Just recently, we were able to travel and visit my parents in Nueva Ecija. It's usually a 3-4-hour-drive from Manila via NLEX, but it seemed like everybody was headed the same way. It took as 6 hours. Our fambam's first time to travel with Ava the toddler that long.

Luckily, our little happy belle didn't seem to bother the long drive. And it also helped that we brought some stuff that kept her busy.


Here's my take on what you can do while travelling with your toddler:

Carseats

The use of carseats in our country is not as strict compared to others. I am also guilty of this, most of the time, we're good with Ava just sitting on my lap either in the front passenger seat or at the back. But I think we should all practice safe travelling especially when we are with our children. Make sure they are all buckled up comfortable and secured. Unlucky for us, we just realized that our darling daughter already outgrew her infant car seat. So we had to take her out from it and just settle at the backseat while Mr. T drove carefully. That's why we're already looking at getting front-facing carseats so the next time we go for a long drive, Ava is already safely buckled up. :)

Left: Ava in her infant car seat. Right: Britax Front-Facing Car Seat.

Mama Goes Shopping

Now, I truly believe that "Shopping is a girl's best friend." And I also found out how it starts and who's to blame - the Mothers. Hahah! I'm raising my hand here.

Having a baby girl is like having a life-size doll. I remember how I used to play with Barbie dolls and paper dolls. I learned how to sew in grade school because of them barbies. But I enjoyed playing with paper dolls more because I get to easily cut and draw different clothes. Now, I get to dress up a real doll! :)

So I'd like to share with you my favorite brands and shops where I get most of our stuff, not only for babies but also including breastfeeding accessories and other Mama stuff. I included the items we got  and love from them that are totally noteworthy. Here we go.. :)

Baby's Safety Online

This has been an on-going topic amongst parents and it seems like it's going to continue along with the evolving virtual world of social media internet. And ever since our very own little belle entered toddlerhood, this has become a part of our discussion as parents as well.

Amongst the articles I've read discussing/debating this issue, I've come across two questions that are always being asked. (1) Are you violating your own child's right to privacy? (2) Is it safe to post photos of your child?

And these are my takes.

(1) Violation of my child's privacy. This sounds silly to me, trying to imagine my toddler, who can't even control her bladder yet, invoking the right to control her own photos.

"The violation of personal privacy doesn’t start until an individual has the ability to understand what the violation means." - New York Times

Makes a lot of sense to me. That's why it becomes part of our many responsibilities as parents -  to make sure that our children are safe and protected - whenever, wherever. For me, bum-naked is already a violation of my child's privacy. I once posted a photo of her right after birth, blurred out except for her face. But eventually took it down after a while because I find it too much for sharing. The context of how photos are being shared should also be considered.

(2) Safety of my child. This one I find a bit too much.

“Research shows that there is virtually no risk of pedophiles coming to get kids because they found them online,” said Stephen Balkam, chief executive of the Family Online Safety Institute. While the debate makes this crime seem common, he said, all the talk is really just “techno-panic.”

Exactly my point. Of course protecting children from dangerous people should be a concern to all parents. However, these people are more likely to target children they know and who trust them already, instead of those they have only seen on the Internet.

Little Miss Audrey

Mr. T's company usually hosts a Trick or Treat party for the family of their employees. Last year, we were still pregnant with Ava so Mr. T was on the other side of the party, giving out treats to children. And that time, I remember him telling me how he'll bring our baby to next year's trick or treat. Which is this year! :)

He reminded me about the party a couple of weeks earlier and that's when we started looking for costumes. The DIY Mama started Pinteresting and stumbled upon a lot of really cute costumes. But the problem was, Ava can't walk yet. And most of the costumes look nice if the baby's walking already. So it came down to one, The Baby Octopus.

Photo from Mom Inc Daily

We were all set for this so I listed down the stuff we need. A few days before the party we went to SM to buy everything we need. We already had everything, but I couldn't find a black onesie to complete the costume. I needed to think of a plan B, quickly because the OC/Stage Mama in me won't settle for something na pinagpwede na. Either we get all the stuff I need acording to plan or ditch the whole thing and go to/think of a Plan B which was exactly what we did. So little Baby Octopus became Little Miss Audrey.

100 Days of BLW

Baby Led Weaning (BLW) is defined as:

Quite simply, means letting your child feed themselves from the very start of weaning.
* re ‘wean’. This is meant in the Brit sense, not the American. In the UK, ‘weaning’ means ‘adding complementary foods’, whereas in the States it means ‘giving up breastfeeding’.

I learned about BLW during one of the breastfeeding meetups we attended earlier this year. A was just around three months then. Then I started reading about it and introduced it to Mr. T as well. After reading articles, watching videos and more, I was finally ready and confident enough to do it. Yes, I had to build my confidence level and had to learn the difference between choking and gagging.

And as A turned six months on May 1 of this year, we started our BLW journey.

Our little foodie in training. Her first solid food - avocado. No, she didn't eat cake. Lol.

The Invisible Mother

Becoming a mother can be exhausting, daunting and challenging all at the same time. But I love being one because the rewards are more than enough to compensate me. Just one smile from my little belle and all the exhaustion go away. Just one look of approval and all my anxieties disappear. And by just seeing her grow into a beautiful person, day by day, assures me that I've overcome my challenges from yesterday.

People will only see the surface of how you are as a mother. They won't know the little big things that we do. Unless they (1) are with you every second of the day, or (2) they become mothers themselves. But I'd like to think that one day, when someone sees my little belle all grownup, someone will come up to me and say, "Hey, you did a fantastic job!"

I guess it's a universal feeling shared by mothers everywhere. Just like this story I am sharing. I'm pretty sure we can all relate in one or another.

One super power achieved: INVISIBILITY.